Dear Leader,

By now, you’ve probably seen the viral video clips surrounding Astronomer CEO Andy Byron getting caught in an affair with his CHRO Kristin Cabot at a Coldplay concert last week.

Both the incident itself—and Byron’s lackluster apology—reflect one of the biggest challenges of being a leader today.

You are always on.

Even in what would seem to be a relatively private moment (albeit in a public space with thousands of other concert-goers), Byron and Cabot represent powerful authority figures. As a CEO and Chief People Leader that many look up to for guidance and with the trust that they’ll do the right thing, they have very significant roles to play.

The pressure to fulfill those key roles all the time can be exhausting.

But the challenge of being a leader is also a tremendous opportunity.

In today’s edition of The Leader Within, I’ll share the challenges and benefits of stepping up to leadership and why being “always on” can actually be freeing.

Being a leader comes with a huge spotlight

Now, what Byron and Cabot did was truly damaging. Not just to their own marriages and families, but also to the company they work for, the people they lead, and even the field of leadership as a whole.

Having a non-consensual affair is never okay. Especially between a boss and an employee. What makes it even worse is that this affair was between two top-level executives.

One oversees the entire company. The other spearheads its culture and ethics.

You wouldn’t think an HR head would be in trouble for inappropriate workplace relationships, but here we are.

You’d think Byron and Cabot would be used to being in the spotlight because of their prominent roles. Even though I’d never heard of Astronomer until this incident, industry circles (especially among executives) tend to be very tight knit.

These people are always being asked for interviews about what’s next for the company, to prepare talks for industry conferences, and to pitch to investors to raise funds for their companies.

Even among “average Joes,” the visibility of these executives doesn’t diminish the moment they leave their physical or virtual office.

Three major challenges of leadership

This points to the first major challenge of being in a leadership role:

The relentless pressure of constant visibility.

Whether you’re leading an entire organization or a small team, every decision you make is up for scrutiny.

Some of your direct reports may think they have a better way of doing things. Others may be more of a subject-matter expert than you are and won’t give you respect because they feel you lack credibility.

Either way, being “always on” means that you are more likely to be called out for what goes wrong than praised when something goes right.

Beyond that, as a leader, you are almost never anonymous. It’s hard to walk around the office undetected. Your life, your work, and how effective (or ineffective) you are in your role are out in the open for all to see.

The pressure of being constantly seen and more frequently blamed for problems at the company ties into the next major challenge of leadership:
​
​The expectation of being perfect.

Society places its highest expectations on leaders.

Even though whoever is president may not affect our daily lives all that much (admittedly this is harder and harder to believe in today’s climate), people have actual panic attacks on election night.

We believe that those in the most powerful positions have all the power and that we have none.

And when you’re in an important leadership position yourself, you carry the weight of the expectations of your employees and those who look to you to lead.

One mistake and you fear people will call for your head.

They feel only leaders can enact change. And failure means someone else should be in charge, right?

This leads to our placing incredibly high standards on our performance, which can lead to working until the wee hours of the morning. Even though I only climbed to the senior manager ranks, I felt this pressure too because of my position leading compensation at a hyper-growth startup. I had sky-high expectations from my boss, and this pressure to perform to “exceeds expectations” burned me out completely.

I was so afraid of making a mistake that I pushed the idea of incompetence into my shadow.

You unconsciously do the same.

Yet, our psyche needs to be fully expressed, so failure shows up in our lives in unexpected ways. Like with Byron and Cabot having an affair. Failure emerged from their unconscious into their conscious lives through marriage trouble and infidelity.

While most leadership failings aren’t as drastic as what happened at Astronomer, this mistake has huge ripple effects across the company.

This third major challenge of leadership, then, is the impact of our decisions on other people.

Byron’s affair with his Chief People Officer has already cost him his job. It will probably cost him his marriage, will damage his relationship with his kids, and sour future employers on hiring him in an executive role (or at least it should).

The fallout from this affair will have significant implications for Astronomers' employees, customers, and investors.

What prospective employee will want to work for Astronomer, knowing sexual harassment (if indeed Byron coerced Cabot into an inappropriate relationship) is not only acceptable, but rewarded?

Which current employee will step up and say enough is enough and encourage a better workplace culture?

Will investors want to entrust their money to a company with such a shaky leadership foundation?

Some would argue that an affair between employees outside of work isn’t a big deal. But when that affair is between 2 top executives and can make or break the success of a company, a romantic fling can have devastating consequences.

The upside of leadership

Conscious of the leadership challenges of increased visibility, performance pressure, and consequences of poor decisions, who in their right mind would choose to become a leader?

Beyond the greater titles, increased pay, and a chance to make a real impact, I’ll share 3 more reasons why stepping up to leadership is a tremendous opportunity.

Leadership lets us grow into the most complete version of ourselves.

There’s no way we can lead others effectively if we aren’t capable of leading ourselves. We must have enough self-awareness to understand what we do well, what we struggle with, and how we show up each day. Gaining insight into each of these areas is inevitable when we get constant feedback from our bosses, our direct reports, and other colleagues in leadership positions.

When people look to us to make the right decision or do better for our organization, we strive to lead in the best way we possibly can. Though the leaders at Astronomer failed epically in this regard, being a leader usually requires us to uphold a strong moral code.

Leading ethically and responsibly ensures we do the right thing and act to benefit all involved with our organizations. What may be seen as constant visibility and constant pressure can help us transform into a better and more complete version of a leader.

Leadership helps us become more self-aware and guide others to being fuller versions of themselves.

The second key benefit of being a leader is the opportunity to influence and inspire.

Many of us are called to be leaders because we believe in creating a better world.

That may mean joining a mission-driven company that wants to transform healthcare or ensure a healthier planet in a leadership role.

It could also look like desiring a promotion to a formal leadership role to change an organization for the better.

I’d argue that when leaders step up and lead in a responsible way, they encourage leaders and people everywhere to do better for all people. They model the behavior that encourages people to lead authentically, boldly, and responsibly.

Leaders can influence how work gets done, what products get built, and what behaviors are rewarded.

If you want to make a real difference in the world, step up and be a leader.

Which points me to the third important benefit of embracing leadership:

Accelerated personal and professional development.

Like I mentioned when I talked about leadership allowing us to grow into the most complete version of ourselves, we never grow more as people than in our role as leaders.

We look out for our employees and our customers and try to do what’s right by them. We also learn where we’re falling short through critical feedback and are encouraged for the things that we do well.

We also learn to build resilience from accepting this criticism, which helps us react in a calmer fashion when tension rises in our personal relationships.

These higher-stakes personal and professional experiences can also give us access to training, conferences, and coaching that will enable us to be more authentic, more emboldened, and more self-aware as leaders.

Leading doesn’t have to be a burden that we hide from. Instead, it’s an opportunity to rise and chart a course for a better world.

A call to step up and lead

While Andy Byron ducked for cover to hide his affair, the increased visibility as a leader isn’t something to shy away from.

You may be faced with more pressure to succeed than ever before (even if you’ve always been a high achiever). You might not be fully confident you can make the impact you want to make as a leader. Decision-making may be more challenging for you now that you have so many decisions to make.

What you can learn from the Astronomer scandal is that leadership is a tremendous responsibility.

We need to not only act ethically in our personal lives but as leaders, tool.

We can’t lead for our own benefit, but must be accountable to doing right by our employees, customers, and investors.

If you’re looking to lead confidently and with greater impact, I’d love to help by inviting you to a free Step Into Your Leadership Discovery Call.

This free 45-minute discovery call is meant for you to explore the leader you're becoming—and awaken the one already within.

We'll chat about what feels aligned, what no longer fits, and what’s calling to emerge. You’ll walk away with greater clarity, renewed energy, and deep insight into stepping into a more aligned version of leadership—and how my coaching can support that transformation.

Wishing you the best on your leadership journey this week,

Spenser

P.S. You probably noticed this edition of The Leader Within came out a few days later than normal. From now on, I plan to publish The Leader Within on a bi-weekly basis. Expect the next issue on August 3rd.