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Dear Leader,
Welcome to the very first edition of The Leader Within.
It’s an honor for me, a 34-year-old gay white male Leadership Coach with a background in HR, UX, and action thriller novels, to write to you about my views on leadership.
Beginning a few weeks ago, I shared several posts on LinkedIn that spell out my frustration with modern leadership. I also posited that a new model of leadership—what I’m deeming Responsible Leadership—is needed to help us break free from this crisis.
After all, the same ego-centric model of leadership that got us here can’t solve the problems we need to solve.
The Leader Within is my weekly forum to share more about Responsible Leadership. Ideally, it will encourage leaders everywhere to embrace this model of leadership.
I’ll share more about how we can stay connected at the end of this newsletter, but for now, I hope you enjoy reading this first issue.
Stick around each Sunday for The Leader Within and feel free to reply to any edition (especially this first one) to let me know what you think of it.
Living in a divided world
It’s easy to see where we are divided.
But it’s a lot more exciting to realize just how united we all actually are.
If you flip open the New York Times or turn on CNN or Fox News, though, you would never even contemplate that.
It’s always Democrats vs Republicans. Conservatives vs Liberals. Trump vs Biden.
And politics isn’t the only divisive topic in the States (and elsewhere).
In Corporate America, organizations everywhere are scaling back DEI programs. As a gay man living and working in this environment, I have a critical eye on these companies that say one thing and do another.
They like to portray diversity or issues of inequality as divisive or distracting. As if our differences shouldn’t be celebrated and only exist to make majority groups feel inferior because they don’t have a special month celebrating them.
While the world continues to play identity politics, real people everywhere are suffering for it.
We are all one
Before I share why Responsible Leadership is needed now more than ever (this will be the topic next week), we need to establish one central fact that serves as the underlying moral basis for this leadership philosophy.
This is the fact we are all one.
If you’ll believe the powers that be, you likely think we’re all different.
And yes, we indeed have differences. Different hair color, different skin color, unique body shapes and sizes, distinct DNA.
So, in a sense, we are different.
But if you strip those differences away from each person by removing their physical characteristics, job titles, and identities, you’re left with the one quality that unites all human beings.
Consciousness.
The fact is that we are all connected through the fundamental human experience of being aware.
“You are the universe experiencing itself.”
- Alan Watts
Unlike the impermanent nature of our bodies—which age, get sick, become fit or fat—consciousness does not change. It is the same when we are 2 and when we are 92.
Though our knowledge of ourselves and the world is quite different at those ages, the awareness that helps us experience the world is the same. The same consciousness that I, Spenser Warren, have is the same consciousness that you, as a person reading this letter, have.
This idea that everything is consciousness and that it unites us all fills spiritual texts thousands of times over. It would be almost impossible to spell it out completely in one newsletter issue, but I’ll do my best.
We are not the ego
“Consciousness is never personal. There is no ‘you’ in consciousness. There is just consciousness.”
- Eckhart Tolle
Even though consciousness unites us all, it’s easy to think that the consciousness that lives within us differs from the consciousness that lives within another person.
Technically, consciousness doesn’t “live” anywhere. It is everywhere.
But if all humans experience consciousness, why do some leaders guide us down a path of destruction, hate, and separateness?
This is the ego at work.
The ego divides and disconnects us. Responsible Leadership requires seeing beyond it.
“Ego is a social institution with no physical reality. The ego is simply your symbol of yourself.”
- Alan Watts There’s nothing wrong with having an ego. Without it, we’d never find ourselves in this world.
Essentially, the ego serves 2 purposes:
- Survival
- Fitting in
As great as it is to recognize we are all consciousness and more united than separate, this is a tough concept to grasp (nor would we want to grasp it) when we are young.
Developing an ego and a separate sense of self allows us to step out of the way of an oncoming car when it’s headed our way. It tells us to remove our hand from a burning stove. This ego lets us form our initial identities and ways of seeing the world (even if they don’t serve us in the long run).
The ego is also responsible for us finding success at school, in our careers, and lets us develop meaningful relationships with other people.
So it’s not like the ego is a bad thing.
But we are not the ego.
We are so much more.
When we only see ourselves as separate egos, with our own unique desires for love, power, wealth, fitness, or any other form of “success,” we lose sight of what unites us all. And it causes us to make regrettable decisions as leaders.
“When we recognize the illusions of the ego, we can embrace others as ourselves.”
- Deepak Chopra
We need to see beyond these separate “ego-selves” and realize that we are all united, conscious beings in order to lead others in a way that lets us solve the world’s biggest challenges.
We are not isolated selves, but interconnected beings with no fixed identity.
“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.”
- Rumi
So how can we leaders realize we are all united by consciousness and not divided by our separate egos?
We all want happiness
As a sophomore in college, I took a comparative religion class.
Before that class, the only viewpoint I had of religion, spirituality, and the afterlife was the Catholic point-of-view I’d been raised with. I’d never been exposed to the deeper meanings of Judaism, Islam, or other major world religions.
I was particularly attracted to the teachings of Buddhism. What the Buddha Taught served as my introduction to Buddhism. Right away, I was intrigued by the many practical teachings that didn’t condemn a person to hell just for being who they were.
As a closeted gay man, I found many of the teachings particularly impactful.
The main takeaway for me was how we can use practices like meditation and mindfulness to avoid suffering. When we can end our suffering, we will achieve a greater form of happiness.
While I remained curious about Buddhism over the years as I abandoned my Catholic faith for atheism, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I rediscovered it.
Just as before, I was intrigued because Buddhism outlined a path for ending suffering. Expanding on this concept is the Buddhist teaching to embrace the Bodhisattva way.
Bodhisattvas aren’t simply motivated by ending their own suffering. They also take great joy in ending the suffering of others.
The bodhisattva way is one of deep compassion and kindness, and it’s how I ultimately strive to live my life (no matter how hard I fail).
Every being everywhere desires happiness. Every being everywhere wants to be free from suffering.
This foundational idea is how I view leadership and is the moral compass guiding Responsible Leadership.
“Since all beings desire happiness, may their happiness increase. Since no being wishes to suffer, may their suffering decrease.”
- Shantideva, Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life
As Responsible Leaders in business, politics, and the world at large, we must think less about our own ego and profit motive. Rather, our actions and vision for a better world must let people everywhere flourish.
Embodying responsible leadership
So, how can we practically go about becoming Responsible Leaders?
How can we embody the type of leadership needed to address the world’s biggest crises? A brand of leadership that recognizes we all are one, we are not the ego, and that each of us wants to find happiness and avoid suffering in our endeavors?
Once again, I turn to Buddhism and the practice of lovingkindness.
You might say lovingkindness sounds too “woo woo” for application in a corporate setting. However, I’d like to share how I’d introduce the concept and would encourage you to try it out for yourself.
Lovingkindness essentially means cultivating positive thoughts and wishes toward yourself and others.
If you have a regular meditation practice, you can start adding a lovingkindness meditation session into your routine. But if you don’t, reflect upon the key phrases uttered in a lovingkindness meditation before a meeting with a direct report or a meeting you’re nervous about.
This will keep your focus less on maintaining your ego defenses and instead on supporting yourself and those you lead. Here are those phrases (you can modify them slightly if it feels right to you):
- May you be safe
- May you be happy
- May you be healthy
- May you live with ease of heart
The idea is to first think of yourself as you repeat these phrases. Really embody these phrases and feel your desire for happiness and good health as you read them aloud.
Once you’re satisfied, move on to someone you find it easy to love or care about. This can be a family member or a colleague you admire. Repeat these phrases and feel that same sense of embodiment as you think of them.
Finally, think about someone you don’t get along with or find it difficult to have positive feelings for. Repeat these phrases for this difficult person. As you do, remember that this person wants to feel love, happiness, and success just as you do.
When you wish them well through this lovingkindness practice, whether via meditation or just by speaking these phrases, you realize that we are all one.
You realize you are more than just your own ego.
You understand that being a leader is more than just titles and authority. You get a sense that leadership is a massive responsibility.
Lovingkindness practice lets us become our most compassionate and kind selves, which we need to live as in order to be the Responsible Leaders the world needs us to be.
Next week, I’ll share more about why Responsible Leadership matters now more than ever.
Wishing you well on your leadership journey this week,
Spenser
How I can help you
As a Leadership Coach birthing the way forward for Responsible Leadership, there are a few ways I can help you beyond reading this newsletter each week.
- A Call To Lead: Awaken The Leader Within Discovery Call: I offer free 45-minute calls supporting visionary leaders with their current relationship with leadership. We'll chat about what feels aligned, what no longer fits, and what’s calling to emerge. By the end of our call, you’ll walk away with greater clarity, renewed energy, and deep insight into how you can step into a more aligned version of leadership—and how my coaching can support that transformation.
- The Responsible Leadership Roundtable: Starting Thursday, June 26th @ 11:00 AM central time, this will be an intimate 1-hour conversation about the idea of Rebirth. We’ll discuss how to apply the theme of Rebirth in our leadership styles and in our businesses. Follow me on LinkedIn to stay updated on how to register. If you can’t make it this month, my plan is to run this Roundtable once a month going forward.
- 1:1 Coaching: If you’re ready to take the leap with one of my customized 1:1 coaching programs for leaders, you can find more information by visiting the link.
I’d also appreciate it if you forwarded this issue to a leader in your life that inspires you. If you received this email from someone else and would like to subscribe to The Leader Within, you can do so here.
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